(LONG) The Kindness Edge

Is your board nice or kind? There is a dangerous temptation to prioritise being “nice” in the boardroom.

Niceness is usually associated with a desire to please, avoid conflict, and maintain surface-level harmony. However, when leaders prioritise niceness, it can become a curse - leading to unresolved issues, superficial discussions, and a lack of accountability.

It’s perhaps that very instinct that is holding your board back!

Kindness, on the other hand, is rooted in care, respect, and the courage to challenge and support others in ways that promote real progress. It elevates both personal relationships and organisational outcomes.

The Trap of Niceness

Niceness feels safe. It’s the path of least resistance, where difficult conversations are avoided, and crucial feedback is sugarcoated—or withheld altogether—for fear of how it will be received.

Nice people don’t rock the boat, but in governance, this is problematic.

Boards must make tough decisions that require honest, sometimes uncomfortable dialogue. When niceness takes precedence, discussions risk becoming echo chambers, and critical issues remain unaddressed. Niceness can lead to groupthink, where the desire to preserve harmony stifles diverse opinions. Board members, eager to be liked, may avoid asking tough questions or challenging the status quo, thus missing opportunities for growth or overlooking risks.

In essence, niceness prioritises comfort over effectiveness, and in the boardroom, that can be disastrous.

The Virtue of Kindness

Kindness, in contrast, is a deeper and more powerful trait. It’s not about avoiding hard conversations - it often requires them. Kindness stems from empathy and respect, but it also brings a commitment to helping others grow, even if that means tough love.

A kind board member will offer constructive criticism because they understand that it benefits both the individual and the organisation. Kindness fosters accountability, creating an environment where members feel safe to take risks, make mistakes, and engage in open, honest dialogue.

This does not mean a conflict-free boardroom. Quite the opposite—kindness encourages healthy conflict where differing views are shared and debated. While niceness might avoid conflict, kindness embraces it as a necessary part of progress.

Kindness is also forward-thinking. It considers the long-term impact of decisions on people, organisations, and communities. It’s not about seeking approval in the moment but about making decisions with care and integrity for the greater good.

Why Kindness is a Governance edge

Boards thrive in an environment of mutual respect and trust. Kindness strengthens these pillars by communicating genuine care and a willingness to support others in their journey to success. It creates space for real dialogue, accountability, and innovation. While niceness preserves short-term harmony, it does so at the cost of real progress. Kindness, however, cultivates a board culture that leads to better decisions, stronger relationships, and a more resilient organisation.

Inside the boardroom, kindness empowers leaders to balance empathy with responsibility. It demands that we challenge each other for the sake of better decisions, rather than shy away from conflict for the sake of comfort. Kindness is not about being liked but about being effective and doing what’s right.

For any board seeking to lead with purpose and integrity, cultivating kindness is essential.

Transforming a Nice Board into a Kind Board

So, is your board nice or kind? If it's the former, start transforming niceness into kindness by fostering a culture of open, constructive feedback.

One simple but effective way to do this is by introducing a “Respectful Challenge” exercise in every board meeting. This can be done in two ways:

1. Dedicated Challenge Time: Create a time in the agenda where each board member is encouraged to respectfully challenge an idea, assumption, or decision. The key is to frame the challenge not as an attack but as an act of care, aimed at improving the quality of decisions.

2. Rotating Role of Respectful Challenger: Rotate the role of "Respectful Challenger" among board members at each meeting. Everyone gets a turn, and while this should be treated seriously, it can also be a way to introduce playfulness into the culture of challenge.

Board chairs can model these behaviors by reinforcing the idea that challenge and accountability are acts of kindness that help the board and the organisation grow. Leading with kindness means setting the tone by inviting differing opinions and showing that real leadership is rooted in courage and empathy.

And here is the kicker. By consistently practising these simple strategies, boards can shift from superficial niceness to a culture of deeper respect, where members feel safe to engage in honest, productive discussions. Over time, these practices will become ingrained, and the board will no longer need these exercises to prompt challenging conversations—it will happen naturally.

I’ve seen this transformation firsthand, and witnessing the impact is incredible. Boards consistently rave about the massive improvements this simple shift brings.

Until next month, thank you for reading. Very of kind you. 

Let’s keep building a kinder, stronger boardroom culture.